I thought this would catch your attention. I instant messaged my friend Cary in Jersey with the opening statement of, " I invited Robert over for breakfast on Monday and I'm making scrambled eggs and Belgian waffles (okay I'm toasting those) !" He replied..."SUCK THAT DICK."
Sounds ridiculous but it's straight to the point. No greeting, just the message. I was caught off guard but in reality, it's a piece of advice that ultimately leads to my raging sexual hormones wanting to follow that advice in hopes of receiving sexual gratification. Not that I'm saying I'm going to do that exactly, but you get the point. I want me some loving!
I'm not in a position to say I want to be with him again, but this is a see saw you hear about so much that I really just have to finally approach with some kind of action. My imbalance of hormones, ones that cause acne and arousal alike, and analytical situations from my feelings for him has gotten the best of me and this is what happened. He is definitely not going to pursue me for all fairness so I am! I've gone back and forth, and then back and forth again with making a direct move since I analyze so much with our baggage and history. Not to mention my pride!! But yeah, I didn't want to ask for a dinner or lunch because that seems scarier for some reason. Is that weird? I just thought a cooked breakfast to start off our days in the intimate and casual settings of my home sounded more "in control" on my part. There's no money involved and a gesture such as cooking for him seems nice and simple in a way where I can let him know I am interested still!
Cary quoted Bruce Springsteen's lyrics saying that, " You can't start a fire without a spark." he was right. We don't regularly talk and we haven't been flirting. But you know what what, I'm gonna try to ignite that spark! I am going a little out of the way, but I figured that I will always wonder if we don't give us another shot. Doesn't mean I'm asking him to jump in on commitment, because god knows I just want to start all over if any fire starts. Unless he is that way, but I wont find out til then. (By the way, at the end of the text he was like...'Wait, am I eating with your parents too?') Okay, rambling. ANYway. It's just a breakfast that can become another beginning or become an end a relationship that has been questionable since I've come back from abroad. I would love to analyze and talk more about it (cause I just loveeee going on and on...ugh) but the more details, the more expectations can arise from something not yet determined! Until then...
Bisou Bisou,
Angie
bisou bisou ♥
posted by Angie at
4:08 PM
